At some point someone listed my number online, or maybe even in the phonebook under:
Confused about your sexuality? Need confirmation that you are in fact gay? Go on a few dates with this girl.
They must have listed that these confused men could find me at the karaoke bar down the street from my house, because seriously, that is where they find me. It's either that, or something about the amount of Heart that I sing. Maybe singing Heart at karaoke is some sort of almost-gay-dude-code. I'll have to look into this. Or stop singing.
It's just like when I moved to New York and all the crazy people on the subway talked to me all the time until finally my boss said, "You have GOT to work on your bitch-face for when you ride the subway, or this is going to just keep happening to you." Well, needless to say, my bitch-face was perfected by the time I left NY. Now I just have to learn how to make, "No, I don't want to help you with any confusion you may have about your sexuality, because I don't have any confusion about mine." God I hope there's a face for that.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
M. Night knows how to roll pt. 1
Here is the thing....don't get wasted on a first date. Here's the other thing...if you do get wasted on a first date, it's probably not a good idea to answer a phone call FROM YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize the point of online dating wasn't to find someone if you were single, but to be an attached person just "testing the water to see if there's something better out there." My bad.
Also, why do people chose the point when their life is the most messed up to try and find someone to share their disappointment with. Prime example--people who meet at DUI classes.
I went on a date with an Egyptian dude. From the get-go he seemed like a real "I want to be so Hollywood that I'm over Hollywood" kind of hipster. Should have left right away. Didn't. Dumb.
This "gentleman," who we now call M. Knight, decided to meet me at a restaurant that he's a regular at. He knew the bartender and the owner. He was late, so told me to tell the bartender I was a friend of his and order a cactus margarita. He was right about the margarita, and only the margarita...it was delicious. Someone...not me....decided to follow their margarita up with shots....you know, cause of the calories in juice--or maybe because he's a freakin alcoholic, and trust me--shots are the fastest way to Shit-show-ville and alcoholics know this.
There's more on this story, which I'll share with you at a later date.
Also, why do people chose the point when their life is the most messed up to try and find someone to share their disappointment with. Prime example--people who meet at DUI classes.
I went on a date with an Egyptian dude. From the get-go he seemed like a real "I want to be so Hollywood that I'm over Hollywood" kind of hipster. Should have left right away. Didn't. Dumb.
This "gentleman," who we now call M. Knight, decided to meet me at a restaurant that he's a regular at. He knew the bartender and the owner. He was late, so told me to tell the bartender I was a friend of his and order a cactus margarita. He was right about the margarita, and only the margarita...it was delicious. Someone...not me....decided to follow their margarita up with shots....you know, cause of the calories in juice--or maybe because he's a freakin alcoholic, and trust me--shots are the fastest way to Shit-show-ville and alcoholics know this.
There's more on this story, which I'll share with you at a later date.
When to say when
I've never been one for moderation. I'm not really a "know when to say when" type of person. You should know this up front. You should know a lot of things about me up front. You should know that I'm terrible at saying no, that I probably use the F word too much, and that I'm usually early....except for when I'm not. I do a lot of things that I don't want to do, and I do them usually for either one of two reasons---1. I think it would make my parents happy or 2. I feel some obligation to be social and/or constantly surrounded by people. If I suddenly decided that I was okay with the prospect of being alone for hours, or even for the rest of my life (and maybe was on my period) I would sit home nights and weekends and make pasta....but then I would be 800 lbs and when I died they would have to burn the house down around me.
This desire to want to be social and meet people---friends or dudes--gets me into a lot of trouble. I don't feel like it's ever been as much of a burning desire as it has been lately. See, I'm not really over my last break-up, but I should be....I know I should be. So I persist in the world of online dating and letting people set me up until the day that I am magically over this ex-beau.
The reason that I do try online dating or letting people set me up doesn't really matter...the only thing that matters is that almost every time I go on a date or meet someone new, it's a complete disaster. Mind you, I'm pretty good at laughing about myself, and at life, so it usually turns out to be a funny disaster, or at least something I can make in to a funny story later...and that's how this blog is starting. See--I was just at dinner with two friends, catching one of them, who I haven't seen in over 6 months, up on my recent dating debacles. She said---and I hear this all the time so it wasn't really new-- "You should write a book, or at least start a blog. Your stories are hilarious." Now, normally when people tell me I should write a book I just think, "meh, I guess I could. Or I could just tell my friends about it and not put all that effort into something that other people may or may not find as funny as I find it." But she slipped the blog idea in there, and honestly, that seems so much more doable than writing a book. I mean, with my inability to say no, or even say when, I'm clearly just going to keep going on amazingly bad dates...and why shouldn't I chronicle these amazing experiences. I mean, they ARE pretty damn funny.
This desire to want to be social and meet people---friends or dudes--gets me into a lot of trouble. I don't feel like it's ever been as much of a burning desire as it has been lately. See, I'm not really over my last break-up, but I should be....I know I should be. So I persist in the world of online dating and letting people set me up until the day that I am magically over this ex-beau.
The reason that I do try online dating or letting people set me up doesn't really matter...the only thing that matters is that almost every time I go on a date or meet someone new, it's a complete disaster. Mind you, I'm pretty good at laughing about myself, and at life, so it usually turns out to be a funny disaster, or at least something I can make in to a funny story later...and that's how this blog is starting. See--I was just at dinner with two friends, catching one of them, who I haven't seen in over 6 months, up on my recent dating debacles. She said---and I hear this all the time so it wasn't really new-- "You should write a book, or at least start a blog. Your stories are hilarious." Now, normally when people tell me I should write a book I just think, "meh, I guess I could. Or I could just tell my friends about it and not put all that effort into something that other people may or may not find as funny as I find it." But she slipped the blog idea in there, and honestly, that seems so much more doable than writing a book. I mean, with my inability to say no, or even say when, I'm clearly just going to keep going on amazingly bad dates...and why shouldn't I chronicle these amazing experiences. I mean, they ARE pretty damn funny.
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